[koreatown]

I had a dream about C. I was running through some alley behind the houses and retsirants while other ppl (mostly my relatives were passing me to go to some wedding) and suddenly I saw him. He was wearing an apron and had a good look about him. He stopped me and spoke to me. I asked him what he was doing and he said he was getting ready for boards and working at a restaurant. I don't recall what we were doing but we were just talking and catching up with each other. I felt easy and slightly sad. Bitter sweet because we weren't close anymore but relieved because we were getting the closure. He then took me to a shack, kinda looking like Gushi and ordered food for me and his miltiple friends were offering us bizzarre dishes. I kept looking at him and feeling that strange feeling of relief and soft, quiet happiness for him. I remember distinctly thinking "We can now say goodbye to each other for good" and that closure just made me feel so light.

I did not think we ended on a bad note unti now. Last time we met we ate chicken and drank a lot of beer and soju. Walked around the block linking arms. And then he dropped me off to where he knew I shared a bed with someone else. And I even had the audacity to peck him on the lips one last time. Break up was still fresh for us and the kiss was not definitive. It has been over 2 years since we last met. And only now I feel guilt for not having a proper closure. At least I feel that we did not have one. Idk if he still thinks about me. I barely think about him. I did not say happy birthday. I don't text or communicate with him in any way. I don't have any feelings toward him but I do feel that it was shady of me to do what I did. and I feel bad for the situation ore than I feel bad for him but I won't say anything. He doesn't need to say anything. I feel disgust each time I see his snaps getting drunk w his friends which happens more often than not. And yet, some little worm of doubt earns to speak again althoug there isnt anything to soeak about anymore.

There is a right time for everything - I say that a lot but still can't follow my own advice. Our time for any kinda closure is lost.